Do you want to relate more effectively to your children? This article by Carina van Vuuren, educational psychologist, explains that every parent could use training in order to be the best parent for their children.
Why do parents need training?
- For a long time our society has demanded special training for all kinds of workers who deal with children – for teachers, counsellors, psychologists, social workers and child psychiatrists. It is however ironic that the most important people in the child’s life, the parents, usually attempt to parent without special training.
- Our society’s general shift from an autocratic attitude to a democratic attitude and towards social equality has presented challenges that most people – especially parents, are not prepared to meet.
- Children today tend to believe they have the rights and parents have the responsibility.
- It is time that us parents become familiar with a discipline technique that replaces reward and punishment, permits choice and allows children to be responsible for their own decisions. This alternative to reward and punishment is called “natural and logical consequences.”
- It is essential that parents learn to understand their child’s behaviour, misbehaviour and emotions. People are decision making social beings that have physical and emotional needs. One of the main emotional goals in life is to belong.
More about behaviour – Understanding yourself as a parent
- All behaviour, including misbehaviour, serves a purpose.
Emotions
- Emotions serve a purpose. They can be destructive or encourage you to be kind and loving.
- Feelings do not “just happen.” We bring them about because they are influenced by our beliefs.
- Emotions can be used to control and retaliate against others, or to protect and excuse us from functioning.
- You are responsible for your own feelings and behaviour.
Lifestyle
- The family atmosphere and values, sex roles, family constellation and methods of training may influence the child’s beliefs about himself and others.
- Misbehaving children are discouraged children.
The Good parent
- Good parents believe they must do everything for their children.
- Good parents believe they must “snoopervise” their child’s every move.
- Good parents rob children of self-confidence and independence.
- They protect their children from the consequences of their behaviour, and prevent them from learning.
The Responsible parent
- Responsible parents give children choices and let them experience the results of their decisions.
- Be kind and show respect for your child. Be firm and show respect for yourself.
- Controlling, dominating, overprotecting and pitying all violates respect for the child.
- It is in the child’s best interest to help him become responsible.
Carina van Vuuren
Educational Psychologist
c@absamail.co.za
www.exceptional-living.co.za
